Sunday, December 27, 2009

cousin, is it you?

"I understand that some people would like to salvage what's left of what was a good relationship - a friendship. I mean, it does seem like a practical approach to interpersonal relations - make what you can with what you've got. But. I don't think it's healthy - especially when one has to 'get over' the other. But that's the strange thing isn't it? the typical scenario is "let's break up, but i still want to be friends"

Where, i ask? Where is the room to get over the other? and the typical response?

"sure " with a pained smile. pushing down everything just so they too can enjoy the proposed friendship.

Staying emotionally close to someone you're trying not to be emotionally close to, pretending everything is perfectly okay for a good strong friendship .. it doesn't help the confused and conflicted feelings right after a break up. [it's extended denial].

And for what? Why this facade?

So there can be a friendship the one person may enjoy, as the other suffers a most uncomfortable period of loss.. and quite hilariously enough, this person of loss is so unbearably JUST out of reach. Always smiling at you. Always telling you about how happy they are, and the other people they desire more than you. and for how long will this go for?

These feelings are deep seeded. if you don't hold grudges, i applaud you. but i question the sincerity of those feelings. Usually in the typical scenario "let's break up, but let's be friends" there really is no full-out confrontation where thoughts and emotions are expressed. If I could ask others who have experience a break up if they agree when i say, everything [thoughts, emotions, anger, questions, sadness, all of it] is kept underneath the skin of the friendship. Or otherwise -when parting ways-, forever kept to yourself, never said to that person who you probably grew to hate just so you could 'get over' them.

As much as the feelings were fond, they are as much vicious. These feelings are often volatile whenever certain topics are brought up, topics of discussion that are unavoidable when two people are sharing each others lives - friendship or otherwise. And I say they have every right should they feel emotionally disturbed or offended.. why must you trample over the egg shells when the egg is already broken? Is it our fault you broke our heart? is it our fault we weren't given time to get over you? is the only reason of this 'friendship' just so you can rub in my face how great or crap your life is now?

To prolong the most needed 'getting over' stage of a broken heart, I will call most unnatural and unhealthy for a person.

To ask.. to be friends ..after a break up, when the person is given no time to get over [assuming he or she would ever completely 'get over' the other person], is selfish and cruel - though practical and polite... perhaps even considered 'mature'... I don't agree with the idea of a consolation prize when all i only ever wanted was the person i had loved most to love me back. the question of friendship seems.. disrespectful of what feelings there were, as if it never existed, as if friendship wouldn't hurt. that and future partners would look at the friendship suspiciously."

_ really ladies.. I'm not bitter about it anymore. i just don't see how asking to be friends after a relationship could ever be deemed logical, customary or nice of you to do..

if you break up with a guy, he'll want to please you. do anything he wants to stop this break up. and what do you ask? to be friends. and of course, he'll say yes. and of course, he'll think it's alright. and as you all probably have experience, the friendship will get distant, awkward and quite volatile.

why? he's not over you.

..funny. i think most of you would enjoy that fact. who wouldn't? i guess. i'm guessing you're defending a friendship you have. and i noted you said it was quite hard to have kept. it's noble to believe in mature adults being able to do it. _ and perhaps they can, because they've learned by then not to rush into the closest emotional level in case it doesn't work out and salvaging friendship becomes impossible. if it is a friend of yours, ask him if it hurts.

or is it you?"
-random forum-

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